Monday, May 7, 2012

The Desert

A few nights ago was Open Mic, and incredible event at our school that always reinforces the talent and passion of my classmates.

One such person is Yannick, who wrote a slam-style poem about home and leaving. As usual, his writing made many of us tear up because of how true it rings.

He quoted a saying that goes something like this:

"When you enter the desert you are lost, and when you emerge you are reborn"

As my first year of college is drawing to a close, I'd like to reflect a bit on that idea, because it definitely holds true.

When I entered NYUAD, I was as lost as I ever was (except maybe during the college search).

I was in classes that were interesting, but that I didn't care about. I wasn't quite sure where I fit in this school, didn't know how to deal with being away from home, and was just generally disoriented and not the happiest.

But I found my friends, (re)found my passions, and began to figure this place out. I started to get un-lost. Not found, exactly, but less lost. Or, lost in a different way. A way that is going somewhere - not sure where, but towards where I should be.

And leaving the desert, I feel as though I have started the process of being reborn.

To start with the superficial - I entered college with long hair, am leaving with it cut boy-short, with no plans on growing it out anytime soon.

I am a theater major now. It isn't the safest choice, but it is one that lights the fire of my heart, mind, and soul.

I'm starting to figure out who I am.  Still working on being comfortable with what I find, but I am in the attempt of realization and love.

I think my confidence has grown. While I am still not the most outspoken, I am more apt to fight for things, and I have done things this year I never thought I would: sleep on a beach, train in a Kalari, perform in the Vagina Monologues, write numerous papers, kill hundreds of trees with said papers, live in the Middle East, camp in the desert, work with a professional theater company as a freshman, walk to get lost in a still-new city, explore topics that challenge my comfort level, audition and be accepted to the RealAD show, and, soon, write a 30-page paper and live in NYC for the summer.

I'm learning to let go, to forgive, to give myself the grace to fall and then stand back up. I'm not the best at any of those, but I am trying.

I don't know what the summer will bring.

I am leaving, reborn, only to return, to be lost again. To continue to grow and change. But not change, necessarily, instead, to "become more of myself".

<3

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